Time for the family to edit my work...

im currently writing letters of intent to the graduate schools that i am applying to, and since our family is experienced in this, and other areas, im going to have you all edit the two paragraphs that i am sending to all the colleges, the 2nd paragraph is why i picked whatever particular college i am sending it to, so i'll just write those solo. anyway, everybody who has meaningful input needs to tell me if anything is wrong or could be better otherwise. here are the two paragraphs: To Whom it may concern, My name is Weston Atwood, and I am currently a senior at Brigham Young University, majoring in Communication Disorders. I learned about a career in Speech Language Pathology through my sister in-law, who graduated from BYU in the program. As I started taking classes in the major, it amazed me how I grew to love the subject. I have come to realize the immense struggles people can have with speech and language, and how fulfilling it is to help those people. The happiness that our assistance can bring to people is what drives my passion in this field. (2nd paragraph) When I originally decided to go into Speech Language Pathology, my goal was to work in schools with children. As I have continued on in the major however, I have found that the medical side of Speech Language Pathology interests me greatly. When I graduate and start working, my goal is to work with disabilities that are psychogenic in nature, which is why I minored in psychology. Due to the wide scope of psychogenic disorders however, I want to have the most well rounded education I can; being trained in all areas of the field. (Sincerely, Weston Atwood)